війна драматургія п'єса сучасна українська драматургія

Моноп’єса Володимира Сердюка “Чи я застарий для війни?”


Старий АКМ


Now I know what this is.

I stand in line at the Territorial Defence local office.

OFFICER: – Next!!!

ME: – … … …

OFFICER: – Sir..?

ME: – What?!!

OFFICER: – You are next.

ME: – Oh, yeah… Do you enlist Veterans for the Active Service here?

OFFICER: – Yes, Sir. What is your Rank?

ME: – Senior Sergeant.

Officer: – Military Specialization?

ME: – ADS.- What..?

OFFICER: – Air Defense Systems.

ME: – All right.

OFFICER: – What is your age?

ME: – In my Military ID, there is a line mentioning which Weapon I mastered.

OFFICER: – What is Your Age, precise?

ME: – Sixty-five. SexTY Five, you know.

OFFICER: – With all my respect, Sir, you would better relax at home at this age.

ME: – I am a good Veteran.

OFFICER: – Not these days, Sir.

ME: – Damn. If you happened to be at Yellow River in the year nineteen seventy-four – I could show you I am a Hot Shot!

OFFICER: – I was not even born then.

ME: – Yippy..!

OFFICER:– Control yourself, Sir.

ME: – I did not say anything obscene!

Officer: – Except yippy.

ME: – Mean, you dancing boogie with your greasy cock shaking on your head.

Officer: – Sounds offensive, Sir.

ME: – Not at all. We usually looked like that those years.

OFFICER: – I see, it was in the times of Pyramid Trousers.

ME: – No. It was in the times of bell-shaped handmade trousers.

OFFICER: – We have no Yellow River in this Country, by the way.

ME: – It flows there overseas.

OFFICER: – Excuse me, Sir, the modern Army can go without you.

ME:– Why?

OFFICER: – Because if I do not understand you, I don’t believe the other soldiers will understand you.

ME: – So..?

OFFICER: – It will be kinda problem communicating with you in the fields, I suppose.

ME: – Means, you will not give me even a rusty AK-47..?

OFFICER: – No, Sir.

ME: – I could…

OFFICER: – Next, please!

The line of Men took a step forward. I have not been pushed away from the office. I left voluntarily making my steps aside and went out.

That was the second day of the Russian Military Invasion, February 25, 2022. Kyiv, Ukraine/

Outside the office, there was another Veteran much older than me. He was trying to mount his bicycle and fell down. I helped him back to his feet and offered him my «Каптопрес-Дарниця» pills. He proudly rejected my help.

What an arrogant Oldster – I think to myself.…

And I think to myself – What a Wonderful World.

Volodymyr Serdiuk. Kyiv, Ukraine

Від Володимир Сердюк